Yes, My Autism Does Define Me

How Being Autistic Is A Defining Feature Of My Inner And Outer World

Many years ago I wrote an article of the same title which opening by saying that “being openly Autistic can be a nightmare for a number of reasons”. Having grown exponentially since that article was published, I wanted to revisit the topic in order to reassert my commitment to the titular position through refreshed thought and deeper exploration. I start by returning to a quote that I have heard a thousand times or more:

“Don’t let your autism define you.”

This particular phrase doesn't cut as deep as it used to. I am somewhat comfortable in my Autistic identity now, and have developed a resilience to the verbal blows that society deals out. I would argue that my need to develop such resilience is indicative of a deeper societal issue, but nonetheless, this phrase is loaded with negativity, ableism, and denial of agency within one's own life.

Autism is a deceptively complicated thing from a conceptual point of view. As a diagnostic label, it is constructed from the scaffolding of medical and socioeconomic priority, largely based on incredibly biased research. Being Autistic on the other hand is something tangible. Unlike the abstract nature of autism, Autistic people physically exist within the world, and through various mediums are now growing what I have previously termed an AuSocial Culture; a culture rooted in Autistic sociality rather than neuronormative social standards.

Being Autistic, then, defines me not just because of my own lived experience; an experience that has no point of reference from within a non-Autistic one. It defines me because through my AuSocial nature my relationship with the world and people within it are fundamentally at odds with the normative hegemony of the world at large.

I am not a neurotypical bodymind that is being influenced by on outside force. Being Autistic is interwoven throughout my entire experience of life and the world around me. Even if my bodymind were to diverge further, and take me beyond what would typically be considered Autistic experiences, it would do so in a way that was influenced by being Autistic. I see this in my experience of further neurodivergence. I am not David the Autistic, David the ADHD'er, and David the Schizophrenic, all existing within one bodymind. Those three diagnostic categories are undeniably inseparable from one another, and therefore my ADHD and Schizophrenia are themselves defined by my Autistic nature.

I believe that people tell us not to embody an Autistic definition because they see autism as a foreign invader into a healthy bodymind. They do not see a naturally occurring Autistic bodymind as capable of good health, and they ignore thatany of our disabling experiences are done to us, and not something coming from us.

I can only have experiences through my Autistic bodymind, I can only behave and engage with the world in a way influenced by my Autistic being. I do not see it us a weakness to admit this defining influence on my existence. It empowers me. It teaches me to refuse to internalise the shame of others. My bodymind is my own, and I have the autonomy to decide what defines me and what doesn't.

I would finish with a quote of rhe original article that inspired this one:

In my life there has been a single immutable constant that has always been with me; I am autistic. I was autistic on the day of my birth, and I will be autistic on the day that I die. Autism is not something I carry with me. I am autism, and autism is me. We are one and the same, a beautiful symbiosis seeking to change the world into a more caring and accepting place.

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